When Someone Makes Your Day and Doesn't Even Know It...

This week has been particularly rough for a variety of reasons that I'm not going to name.  Many of you saw my Facebook post yesterday about Sara's injury... It certainly wasn't anything life threatening, but it was bad and sure took the wind out of my sails yesterday.  I spent all day today in a class on mental health aid and by 4:45 when the class adjourned, I was nothing short of exhausted and found myself so thankful the week was finally over!  Stan had picked all 3 of the girls up from school and they had been home doing "projects".  I was pulling into Pittman Park to pick Liam up when my phone vibrated.  I looked down and could see the message was a lengthy one.  My first thought was "what in the world could this be now?!?", based on the week we've had!   I picked up my phone and saw it was from Autumn, a dear sweet dance friend who we feel like is a part of our family.  I sat in my car and read the message in the parking lot at the church and tears just flowed down my cheeks and onto my phone.  Rarely in a world that is often cruel for blended families like ours, does someone step up and recognize that what is going on with your family is beautiful in their eyes.  Rarely does someone outside of your family take the time to tell you that you are doing it right and that your life is exactly how and where it should be.  Rarely can adults see this, much less a high school senior who is wise beyond her years.  Thank you, Autumn Jordan, for being a bright light in not only my day, but my whole week...  Your words touched me (and Stan too) very deeply and I thank you for being a supporter of our blended family.  We share a special journey and I'm glad people like you are a part of my life.  If everyone could practice that same kindness and encouragement, what a better world we would have.  I am so thankful for the love in our family every waking moment.  I'm glad it shines so brightly that others can see it.  

I asked Autumn if it was ok to share this message and she said that it was...  Thankful for this sweet, beautiful spirit... and happy to have her as a special friend and adopted member of the Akins/Bradley/Hutchens Crew!  

Life Lessons are Everywhere...

Today I witnessed something extra special while having lunch with some family members at Cracker Barrel.  An older couple came in and were seated right behind us, sort of in a corner… I noticed the man requested this table and quickly realized why that probably was.  They looked to be in their 80s.  He was holding on to his wife’s arm and helping her to the table.  He pulled out the chair for her like a true gentleman.  She sat down and he was helping her get scooted up towards the table when she began to fuss at him loudly to stop and leave her alone.  She even swatted at him once.  He held his hands up as if waving a white flag and said ok.  By this time, half of the restaurant was looking in their direction to see what was going on.  They sat down and she took her purse and put it down on the floor beside her and folded her arms with the most disgusted look on her face.  He imitated her a couple of times, by crossing his arms and making the same face at her, but always returning to his sincere smile. She picked her purse up and pulled out a wallet.  She pulled playing cards out of the spots where credit cards, drivers licenses or insurance cards should probably be and proceeded to shuffle through them over and over again.  The look on her face was a look of total misery and confusion, yet he never let his smile escape from his face. This went on for probably 15 minutes.  The waitress had come and asked if they were having their usual chicken pot pie and seemed like she knew them well.  I knew right away what this situation was.  She has Alzheimers. 

I worked in the world of long term care for several years when I first got out of college.  I know all the signs and also know the pain family members endure when the relationship is forever changed by that disease.  As a social service director at a nursing home, I watched families endure the pain day in and day out.  It’s one of the most heart wrenching diseases to me.  I watched husbands and wives no longer recognize each other.  I watched parents scream at their children to get out of their room, that they did not know them.  It was a daily struggle to keep it together through a work day when all you wanted to do was comfort people who were hurting from the affects of it.

Just before their food arrived, she had not spoken one word to him but continued with her distressed facial expression, thumbing through her playing cards.  He spoke loudly because, let’s face it, they are probably both a little hard of hearing at their age… so I was able to hear much of what he was saying to her.  I was truly touched.  He reached over and held his hand out to her across the table.  She acted at first like it was an aggravation to her, then reluctantly put her hand in his.  His smile widened and he said “You know how much I love you, right?... and I’m so proud of you.”  She didn’t say a word, just nodded her head yes and went back to shuffling through the contents of her wallet.  I felt tears welling up in my eyes.  I couldn’t stop watching this testament of real, lifelong love unfolding before my very eyes.  

All kinds of thoughts went through my mind, but mostly that I hope to be blessed like that when I grow old.  I hope Stan is there to reach his hand out to me, or me to him, to have a fleeting moment of normalcy should one of us fall victim to this disease.  I hope both of us will be able to show that kind of grace, mercy and selfless love towards each other, no matter what our situation will be.  People today think they have problems?  Try talking to this man with the sweet smile… He will probably make you think otherwise pretty quick.  Or he might just tell you how great his life is.

I asked the waitress to bring me their ticket and she did.  I watched his smile widen again when he asked for the check and she told him someone had paid for their meal.  It was literally NOTHING, but seemed like the only thing I could do in that moment.  Sometimes practicing kindness to a stranger is all we can do… I just had to do something for these sweet strangers who affected me in a way they will never even be aware of.  Life’s lessons are everywhere… sometimes we just have to be at the right place at the right time and observe... and open our hearts.

Happy Anniversary to My Best Friend

Today, like every day, I have so much to be thankful for. Today marks one year that I have been married to the most amazing man on the planet.  Every day I am honored and humbled by his love...and I know that I am so very blessed to have found someone who loves me for me, despite all of my flaws.  

Every day this week, I've had a "countdown to our anniversary" note in my car.  He had our beautiful Disney wedding day recreated and painted.. and that memory forever captured as a gift to me. (Thank you Ashley Wren - You did a beautiful job and it is PRICELESS to me!)  He puts so much thought into every little detail when it comes to making me feel special and loved.  Then today, beautiful flowers delivered to my office.  He really has NO idea how much I appreciate the thought he puts into things like this.

He is an amazing husband and father.  I cannot tell you the joy it brings me to watch him with our children.  He makes such an effort to be the kind of father they all need, because they all have different situations.  He is my rock.  My safety net.  My encourager.  My confidante.  My supporter. My teammate.  My best friend.  My soulmate.  The one who can turn tears into laughter.  The one who can turn sadness into happiness.  The one who encourages me to be a better me. The one who is my first thought in the morning and the last thought when I go to sleep at night.  He constantly tells me that I have shown him the meaning of true love, but he doesn't realize that he has shown me that too... Every day. The day he sent me a random Facebook message, my life was forever changed for the better.  

Christmas

Christmas. An extraordinary and special time of year that can often be swept away by stress and pressure, expectations and responsibilities, presents and worldly things… A time of year that the traditions and pressures of the holiday can become so important to uphold that we forget to actually live the moment and enjoy it… A time when everyone is striving to have the perfect gifts under the tree for children who don’t “need” a thing, the perfect decorations inside and out, and to attend every holiday party they are invited to just to keep up. 

Sadly, I am one of those people. I worry so much about what I want it to be that I forget to truly enjoy the weeks leading up to Christmas.  When I’m guilty, I say I’m guilty. 

Christmas to me is about LOVE, yet I am foolishly guilty of making it about THINGS.  Christmas is about ALL children, not just my own.  Christmas is about family…not just my family, but ALL families.  It is not just about our little town, our county, our state or nation… It is about the WORLD.  Christmas is about the lonely old lady on your street who has no family and might spend the day alone.  Christmas is about giving from the heart, not from our wallet.  Christmas is about the thankfulness for the year that has passed and how blessed we were in it…and looking forward to the new year to come and all of the exciting opportunities that may lie in store for us. Christmas is about others.  It is not about us. It is about helping to make someone else's day a little brighter than before.

At a time of the year where most celebrate the spirit of the season, there are families out there who may be apart, who have sick children, sick parents, who have no money to provide gifts for their kids, who are suffering through the loss of loved ones or going through a painful divorce. There are so many situations, yet so often we make it all about ourselves.  My children were fortunate enough to participate in Service Day recently at Connection Church and we took gifts and meals to a family right here in our own town.  Right here, underneath our noses, people live in horrific situations that we turn a blind eye to.  To go into that home and bring smiles to those children’s faces brought me more joy this year than it ever has before.  There were no presents under their tree, no fancy lights to impress the neighbors, no Target or Belk bags thrown everywhere because they had gone on a mindless shopping spree to buy gifts for people who don’t “need” anything at all.  There was just a little bare tree and some Christmas colored balloons taped to the ceiling.  I’ve participated in plenty of things like this over the years, but never have I been affected like I was this year.  I don’t know if that’s because I’m getting older or because my life is so full… I think it’s a combination of both.

Stan is notorious for leaving me love notes (nobody gag or laugh now at our sappiness) – and he left me one in my car this morning that said “YOU are my Christmas”.  How blessed to know that I can be that for him… and that he is that for me too.  He and I got engaged in early December and that has set the tone of the season for me… Christmas is LOVE.  Not just romantic love, but love for the world, for mankind, for those less fortunate, for those hurting, for those who are sick, for those who are lost and confused and trying to find their happiness in this world.  He has given me a whole new reason to love Christmas… and every holiday really.  We are truly blessed and so are our children.  We both have been through a lot of “life” and know what is important.  We place so much more energy on the things that cannot be bought, but can only be felt… and those are the things that matter most.  I hope each and every one of you have a Merry Christmas and a prosperous and healthy year in 2016.  May you be as blessed as I am in what you have the ability to FEEL this Christmas season.

Thankfulness...

So, although I am horrible at keeping up with writing these blogs and I certainly haven't done the daily November entries of things I am thankful for, I am a VERY thankful person. Today, I choose to focus on my family... Here goes...

For me, family is a very broad term that applies to a whole lot of people.  So specifically, I am thankful for my parents, who brought me into the world and taught me right from wrong (or tried!).  I love their example of a long lasting marriage, something I have so far not been blessed with. (but I plan to be in that club in a few decades if Stan will keep putting up with me.)  They have seen me struggle with divorce, cancer, death & almost everything in between. They were only blessed with one living child, but that one child has given them a run for their money, caused a lot of worry and made them sit through a lot of sleepless, worried nights.  (and they never killed me - thanks guys! :) ) They have seen me through the darkest of times but never left my side.  I am thankful for my children... all 5 of them... the 3 I gave birth to and the 2 that I chose to love and raise as my own.  They are special... every single one of them.  They bring daily joy into my life with their sweet smiles and innocence.  Every one of our children live in non-traditional households because of divorce or the death of a parent... and they do it well.  They will never know how much they amaze me and how much they are all loved.  I am thankful for my in-laws... Every single one of them... past & present.  I am thankful that they are all there, especially for my children, and that they help me show them every day that despite their unique circumstances, they are loved in many places and in many hearts.   I'm thankful that my children will grow up knowing that love and family aren't about blood.
I am thankful for a vast amount of aunts, uncles and cousins that I love dearly.  I'm so glad that we are the close family that we are... it is rare nowadays to find large extended families who get along and truly love each other.  We do that. I am so grateful for every one of you... When I count my immediates, I have 7 uncles, 8 aunts and 16 first cousins, spouses not included.  I also have 20 second cousins and many of them are like my own children!  Not everyone can even name a 2nd cousin, yet some of those kids are like siblings to my children.  It's amazing really... And I thank all of you for what you bring into my life.   Every single one of you have impacted my life and shaped me and I thank you for that.  I hope some of you younger ones will look back someday and say that I helped shape yours!  Don't think for a second that I forgot about Stan... Because guess what?  He gets to be last...mainly because, well, he is the only one in this list of poor souls that CHOSE me...so he is his own kind of special.  Everyone else was stuck with me because of blood relation, like it or not.  He actually sought me out, apparently found some good in me and stuck around. He and I are definitely not the traditional couple at all... We are Mike and Carol Brady, minus the bell bottoms and weird stuff! Haha! We lived whole lives before each other, yet somehow it all fit together perfectly and the past was erased when we came together.  I am so thankful for him on so many levels.  He tells me daily how thankful he is for me... and some days I have no clue why.  He tells me that even though our time together has been short, that it has been the best of his life. He tells me that he never knew that true love REALLY existed until he met me.  He tells me that I am his soulmate and that he knew it from practically our first date.  He stepped into a role that many men would have run from.  For many, it would have been too much drama... It would have been too hard... It would have been too much work... But for him, it was an easy, selfless choice.  I am thankful every day for the chance he took with me. Our choice to be together has been our every happiness and our beautiful family is our greatest blessing.

So, today, like every day, I am abundantly thankful.  I probably don't say it enough but my heart overflows every day with love and gratitude for my many blessings in this life.  I am also grateful for our many friends, young and old.  Happy Thanksgiving to you all, with lots of love.

The Truth Often Hurts

I promise... all of my blog entries aren't controversial or opinionated.  This one, however, is just that.  Sorry in advance!  

People who know me best know that I am 1000% honest. Honesty is one of my biggest pet peeves.  You better be honest with me always.  I will be honest with you.  Always. It's just not something I bend on.  Have I told little white lies that don't hurt anyone?  Of course!  We all do that to protect a person's feelings.  (For example:  "No, my friend... I don't think you've looked like you've gained weight!")  That's different than being dishonest about a serious situation or about something that is meaningful.  However, I'm amazed at the grown people that just can't handle the truth.  Dish out a little bit of truth and they get all defensive and claim to feel victimized by what they are hearing.  Maybe if you can't handle the truth, you are the problem. Maybe that means you are wrong.  Maybe that means you should look at yourself and reassess.  If the truth offends you, then you are the one with issues.  Sorry.  That's just the way it is.  I don't want to be associated with people who can't accept the truth, but want to put their own spin on it.  That was pretty short and sweet, but in need of being said today.  And yes, I have images..Always!  :) 

Doing the Right Thing...

From the time we are small children, we are taught (hopefully) by our parents the importance of doing the "right thing".  From treating others with respect to having a "happy plate"... It's all relevant in doing the "right thing".  As we get older and life begins to take its toll on us, it seems that some people find it harder to do what is right.  Life gets in the way. Greed gets in the way.  Finances get in the way.  Our jobs, our kids, our lack of time for ourselves, dealing with problems past/present/future... They can make you selfish.  It all clouds our judgment of doing the right thing in all situations. Doing the right thing isn't always the easiest road to take.  In fact, it's often the more difficult path.  It's often the one that requires a lot of thought and a lot of sacrifice.  I'm thankful that my parents raised me to do the right thing.  I'm not perfect.  Far from it.  I've certainly walked my own path of wrong choices and mistakes.  Despite all of that, I'm glad that I still possess compassion for others, no matter what bearing it has on my own life.  Whether I know you or not, I have compassion.  Whether I like you or not, I have compassion. Whether our skin is the same color or not, I have compassion. Whether our beliefs are the same or not, I have compassion. 
I work with people every day in my job who are struggling to pay tax bills they can't pay.  It takes an emotional toll on me day in and day out because I do have such a sympathetic heart and a love for others, even strangers.  I want to help, even when it isn't my "job" or my "duty" to help.  At the end of the day, I know that I can lay my head down each night and say that I strived to do right every day...That I strived to hear the needs of another person and help them if at all possible.  This is what compassion is all about.  I'm amazed at the lack of compassion in so many people.  People right here in our community.  People who immerse themselves in church and call themselves Christians.  People who are hypocritical in that they hide behind a cloak of "godliness", yet help to inflict pain and suffering on others.  People who view their needs as more important than the needs of others. I may go to my grave with fewer possessions and less money in the bank, but I will always know that I treated others the way I wanted to be treated and never tried to step on others for my own benefit.  In fact, I will always know that I worked hard to build others up every chance I got.