Christmas Makes Me Happy (Liam's Words)

I let my children go to bed watching television.  Go ahead and judge.  This "habit" started over a year ago when life was pretty much upside down and it was all I could do to get everyone to bed by myself, on time and without them crying.  Sometimes you just do what you have to do! The timer is set for 30 minutes and they know that's all they get.  I personally don't think there's anything wrong with it but I know many don't agree.  I'm just thankful they go to bed independently. It makes my life a lot easier! Anyhow...Sara really isn't picky about her bedtime show... usually it's whatever is on Disney Junior at the time... Liam, on the other hand is a WHOLE different story.  His bedtime ritual has become nothing short of a one-act play.  We use Netflix in his room so whoever takes him in his room at bedtime knows that you are going to have to hold him, get Netflix loaded and he has to point to what he wants to watch on the screen.  Now... he knows that he can take up a lot of time with these "pointing" shenanigans.  And he enjoys it.  He gets this huge grin on his face. When Stan takes him to pick his show, he purposefully holds him out away from the TV just far enough so that he can point, but can't make contact with the actual screen. This just makes him giggle and say "Me touch it Stan, me touch it", knowing it's all part of a glorious game that he has invented.  And eventually, he moves him close enough to touch. Then and only then can he actually get in his bed.. with confidence. Because HE made a MAJOR decision. Sometimes I run in like a crazy person and I say "I want to point!  I want to point!" and it just makes him nuts.  A happy, excited nuts, but nuts all the same.  A few nights ago, Stan took him to bed and went through all the usual silliness as I finished drying Sara's hair and got her into bed.  By the time I got in his room, he was already in bed and was watching "Santa Buddies" also known as the "Santa doddie movie"... It's his current fave!  Anyhow, I crawled up on his bed with him for my nighttime hugs and he sweetly whispered to me with such excitement on his face "Watch Mommy.  Santa Claus."  His eyes were lit up, even in the dark, as he watched Santa and one of the dogs walking through the snow.  Then he said "Christmas makes me happy".  My eyes welled up with happy tears.  Christmas is my favorite time of year.  Stan and I have already done a lot of Christmas shopping and begun to plan out the Christmas decorations for the house.  These years pass by so quickly...The years filled with the true "magic" of Christmas through children's eyes.  I guess what made it so sweet to me is that he wasn't even old enough to remember last Christmas.  He was only 18 months old.  Yet, he somehow already knows that it "makes him happy".  I left his room and walked out on the back porch where Stan was, wiping my tear-stained face.  All I could say was "That boy just melts my heart".   Here's to those sweet moments and the feeling of just knowing deep inside what makes us happy, no matter how old or young we are.  

Fill Your Heart with What's Important.....

I had quite a bout of insomnia last night (nothing all that unusual) and really took some time to do some soul searching about a lot of different things.  There has been so much going on in my little world for the past week or so...life always seems to be throwing some kind of curveball.  I sat back and realized how silly we are as people.  We dwell on things that don't matter.  We KNOW that they don't matter... they are in the past, they are unchangeable, they are in the too far away future, they aren't necessarily things that will definitely happen anyway, etc. etc.  It's our human nature... and it's what is killing us.  I've thought alot about how much I worry about things I can't control.  That is taking away precious time from LIVING.  My goal is to try to start planning less and let things happen as they are supposed to happen, to stop worrying over things I can't control and just be in the moment. (Wasn't that my goal last month too?!?)  I'm going to expect nothing and appreciate everything.  This blog isn't going anywhere very fast.  I'm finding that my hours are filled lately with so much happiness that I don't take much time to write anything.  I have so much to be grateful for in my life right now. I saw this quote the other day and it just struck me:  "Fill your heart with what's important and be done with all the rest".  Oh, how much time I waste on things that are not important.  People that are not important (if that sounds harsh, I'm sorry.)  I'm choosing from this day forward to start focusing on what really matters in my life.  To stop being a people pleaser.  To learn how to say no sometimes. Then and only then will I truly be free from worrying about things I shouldn't.

    

Glad to Know My Blog Was Missed!

  

I have had several people mention to me that they really missed my blog that I had been working on over the past year or so.  I took it down, feeling that it came from a place that is now part of the past.  SO… I am going to start a new one.  I have learned in the last few weeks that cleansing yourself of the past is a good and healthy thing.  I encourage all of you that are on the journey to a new life to take a look at yourself, your home, your Facebook profile, your emails, ANYTHING that represents the old you and cleanse yourself of it.  It is hard to truly move forward if you are stuck in the past or have those constant reminders lurking about.  I deleted a lot of old Facebook posts, messages, pictures, things that just don’t represent my life and who I am NOW.  It's amazing that you can forget about those things buried deep down at the bottom of your "wall"!   I also deleted a lot of “friends”.  Social media is a curse in many ways.  It’s amazing what people can assume from looking at your Facebook statuses and pictures and such, especially when they go looking at YEARS ago and tell you about it!  Haha!  What I want is for people to look at my page and see a person who is happy, content and at peace in their life… because that is where I am now.  It isn’t where I’ve always been, but I am so proud and blessed and thankful for the amazing life I am living today.  After all… today, tomorrow and the future are what matters… yesterday is gone forever.  The last thing I want is for people to be going all through Facebook or any other social media and seeing my old life through words and pictures.   I am on a personal journey to worry less and enjoy life more.  Don’t get me wrong… I have been enjoying life IMMENSELY the past few months (since finding a new direction and a new beginning) … but as wonderful and blessed as those days have been, I still have allowed irrational worrying to creep in.  It’s human nature… but something I intend to get control of!  Stan tells me often...”it’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”  For a control freak like me, that’s a tough concept!  What is your path saying to you?  My path is a very beautiful one now… It is landscaped just how I want it and the hills roll beautifully downward.  I am no longer on a bumpy, curvy, upward climb that is wearing me down constantly with an unclear ending.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am that I have made it to this point in my life.  I have a lot of friends hurting right now… some have lost their job, some are dealing with a problem teenager, some are going through breakups/divorce, some are battling cancer (and winning – shout out to Melissa Gardner!) and others have lost loved ones recently.  My prayer is that all of you can find your new, cleansed path like I have found mine.