My Psychology Degree Comes In Handy..

So... I'm one of those MANY people who spent 4 years getting a degree that I don't use on a daily basis.  I worked in the field for a few years... and honestly, with my soft heart, it was just too hard.  I spent most of that time working in a nursing home.  My title was "Social Services Director".  I did admissions, dealing with families who were struggling with the guilt of placing their loved one in a nursing facility.  I worked with the patients on a daily basis.  I was the general problem solver for 92 residents and about 50 staff members.  If they were sad, I tried to comfort them.  If they were happy, I tried to rejoice with them.  If they were looking for their husband or wife who had been dead for 10 years, I would help them look and then try to get them to rest or something so that maybe the twisted memory would go away.  I didn't mind it a bit, but it wore me down emotionally after a while.  Now, years later, I find myself to be the person that many choose to tell their problems to.  I don't mind that either, but I still take everyone's problems to heart.  Recently, there have been many discussions brought to me from people who are divorcing and dealing with issues with their children and ex-spouses.  I can totally relate to it... Even with our pretty much normal daily lives, there is still a lot of unwanted & unnecessary drama that creeps in... we aren't immune to it by any means.  From day 1, Stan and I have known pretty much everything about each other.  It's total honesty between us.  That's the ONLY way it can be.  We have both been through a lot in our lifetime, including divorce.  So I feel like we have a lot of life experience.  It is disheartening when people don't respect boundaries after divorce, especially when one person has remarried and started a new family.  It is disheartening when people try to pit their children against the new stepparent for no reason at all.  If there is reason, that's a different story... but if your child has been gifted a good hearted stepmom/stepdad, then you should be thankful for that.  Many kids aren't that fortunate.  It is also disheartening that parents will say things to children that are negative, make them worry, etc. where the other parent/family is concerned.  Why can't people realize that in most cases, children benefit from spending time with both parents?  It's just a dramatic attempt at control and manipulation to be that way.  It is also disheartening to hear things come from children that you KNOW were heard from an adults mouth and are now being repeated.  I am SO careful what I say around any of the kids around me.  I never want to plant a bad seed in their precious little minds about ANYTHING.  I just don't get that other seemingly good parents do it constantly.  It is just a blessing to me to be able to reflect at the end of the day and know that we do our best to do right by our kids. All of them.  Stan and I sat last night admiring our yard work and listening to the tranquil sound of the fountain by our back porch. We talked for the longest time... We do that a lot and I love that about us.  We communicate beautifully and I think that is the key! We talked about and wondered why sometimes we have to go through hell and back to get to the place we want to be.  It doesn't make sense.  It doesn't seem right that we have to blindly make our way to our happy place.  I think we both agree that we are just thankful for our mistakes and our struggles, for they ultimately lead us to our forever.  So.. friends... I never mind listening and helping you through your struggles... Goodness knows, I have plenty of my own!  I wish nothing but the happiest of endings for you all.  I am proof that it is possible.   

The Meaning of "I Love You"

I've been thinking a lot about the meaning behind the words when we say "I love you".  I saw this today on a blog I was reading and it was just too good not to share.  True love is total acceptance of each other and the complete absence of wanting someone to change.  So often, people go into relationships thinking the other person is "nice enough" and think they can live with them if certain changes eventually take place. We don't change people.  It's a fact. My heart goes out to all people today who are in these types of relationships.  (My heart goes out to one person in particular... you know who you are).  Don't settle.  Don't let another person define who you are.  Don't let another person change you.  You will never be at peace if you do that.  Find someone you are compatible with.  Find someone that you can tell your innermost thoughts to without judgement.  Find someone who is honest.  If they will tell you the truth, good or bad, then they are probably a keeper.  Make sure all of those things are reciprocated back too.  And never waste these precious words on people who are just not worthy.  

Sometimes, Life Really is Beyond our Control

So... many will think that this is about a particular person or something, but it's not.  It's about many people.  I have SO many friends, co-workers, loved ones and beyond going through divorce, the challenges of remarriage and blended families, or dating after a divorce... It's a constant story that you hear over and over again.  Until you've lived it, you can't sympathize with people...Not really. The saddest part is, no matter what, there are going to be situations in your life that you cannot control. People are going to say things behind your back.  Not in your control.  Ex-wives/ex-husbands/former friends/toxic people are going to exist.  Not in your control.  You will have people in your life that you don't necessarily want to be there (nor did you ask for them to be there).  Not in your control. (Guess what?  Maybe they didn't ask for you to be in their life either.)  People will play the sad, helpless victim and blame others for their own choices, what they can or can't do.  Not in your control.  Whoever thinks we control our own lives is just flat out wrong.  We cannot totally control what happens to us, but I do think we can control how we respond to it.  It's easier said than done... believe me, I know this as good as anyone does.  Some days I get so irritated over things that are out of my control. Those are bad days...defeated days.  I guess I make that choice or maybe that it's just that I'm too tired and broken down about it to fight the negativity anymore.  BUT... Always, I rise from it (usually pretty quickly) and shake it off.  It's all we can do.  In the end, bad moments are a small part of our time. The good moments far outweigh them.  I want to work on being less defeated by the bad things and more joyful in the good things.  It's something everyone has to work on I think, and I sure need to improve in that area.  I have too much good in my life and too many blessings in the form of my wonderful husband, children, family and friends to be overly concerned about those people and things that are not controllable.  Basically, when you make major life decisions consciously, own them.  Don't blame others for what YOU decided to do.  Forge a new path and move on.  Move on in every way...emotionally, physically, financially, etc. When you divorce someone, divorce them.  Free them from anything that ties them to you. (excluding children of course... that's not really possible).  Don't tie them down with your baggage.  Don't play the victim. Don't talk badly about the ex or his new family in front of your children... it WILL be repeated...And maybe not in exactly the way you said it, but either way, the damage is already done.  Don't use your path in life as a crutch to be weak and pathetic.  Bottom line: Stand on your own two feet.  If you can't, then make changes so that you CAN.  Sell things you can no longer afford on your own.  If you need an ex, a parent or other person on your mortgage or your car loan, you don't need to own it.  I know this sounds harsh, but it was just on my heart to say right now.  Sometimes we all need to vent.  I've stood on my own 2 feet for as long as I can remember and it blows me away at the people who don't. I'm so thankful my parents raised me to be independent.  It's been nothing but a blessing to me my whole adult life and I thank them for that.  This much I know....My life is beyond blessed.  Stan and I are amazingly happy in our new marriage, our children are all happy and healthy, I have an amazing large wonderful family that I wouldn't trade for the world and I have a few TRUE friends that I am lucky to have.   When life throws a curveball, you  might swing and miss the first time, but you can figure it out before the next pitch is thrown. (If you've got good common sense and the drive to do so) Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Oh,Thyroid...How I Do Despise You...

So... Can't sleep and I ran across this article that was SO spot on... Read it... Even if you just know someone with a thyroid problem... It applies whether they have had cancer or not.


10 Things I Hate about Thyroid Cancer


I've had kind of an emotional day today.  A few of you know that I had thyroid cancer back in 2001... Many of you do NOT know, mainly because I don't choose to harp on it or whine about it.  EVER.  That's just not how I roll.  The only people that MIGHT hear my grumblings about it are Stan or my family or really a choice group of friends.   I just decided a long time ago to not let it worry me or stress me out.  Can it recur?  Sure.  Can I get hit by a car in my parking lot at work today?  Absolutely. So why worry about what you cannot control?  Secretly, I do worry, though...Just a little bit...Way back in the back of my mind, reserved for only me. I surely don't want anyone to THINK that I worry!  Heck no!  That's for people who are weak. That's my mindset.  I can't help it. Stan says I might be the most independent, stubborn person he's ever known...and he's right.  He doesn't say that in a bad way... it's who I am and he's known that from day 1.  Here's what being strong, silent and independent can do to you though.  It cuts people out.  It really does.  You refuse to admit you have literally felt fatigued and miserable for almost 14  years.  So, they have no clue.  You're an actress. You hide it from everyone.  You don't miss work.  You don't miss kids school events.  You don't miss vacations.  You just fake it and roll with everything.  You don't want anyone worrying and you sure don't want the attention or pity so you keep it tucked away to yourself.  Earlier today, I finally said to the specialist that I saw in Savannah... "I don't feel good and I feel that I deserve better with my health.  What can we radically do different?"  I didn't allow myself to feel bad about my weak honesty either.  His answer, after a while, was a new daily medicine.  It seems like this medicine either really works well for you or really does you badly.  All I can do is take a chance, take it for a month, go back to the doctor and see what happens. In the meantime, I'm giving advice to anyone with a chronic problem that they keep a secret.  It's ok to admit it. It's ok to talk about it.  It doesn't mean you are weak.  It means you acknowledge that it exists and that you want better for yourself (and it's ok to want that). Now, having said that... you probably won't hear me mention it again.  No one likes a Debbie Downer, now do they???  :)