Lowering Our Expectations May be the Key to Increased Happiness...

People who know me best know that I have a serious love for psychology, counseling and all forms of "self-help"... I think far too many people are prideful when it comes to these things.  They feel like they are a failure in some way for seeking help or taking medication to help them cope.  As a psychology major at GSU, some of my happiest moments came from the things I learned there, the hands on training in that field and the volunteer opportunities and internships I was able to do during that time to walk with people in various stages of struggle.  I worked with children, the elderly, the very unfortunate, the substance abusers, the mentally ill, and lots of things in between.  I have always had the helping heart, the people pleasing heart, the heart full of too much expectation.  About 2 and a half years ago, after experiencing a lot of unexpected change in my life, I sought professional help. My desire was to do right by everyone at that time and I was completely consumed by it.  I was concerned about my children and the life-changing events that had already had to endure at such a young age.  I wanted to please everyone and do right by everyone and ultimately realized that I wasn't pleasing myself.  I was taking on the burdens of the world and not letting anyone help me in that walk.  I have continued a relationship with my doctor consistently during this time and he has helped me tremendously.  I'm not going to publicly acknowledge him here for privacy reasons but if anyone in our area needs a therapist, I will be happy to talk to you and recommend my doctor.  He is beyond wonderful and has been such an eye-opening presence in my life.

Today, I went for a regularly scheduled session and we talked about the normal, repetitive things for a few minutes...How's the family?  How is your thyroid issue?  Sleeping well?  Blah blah blah... The usual.  As we delved into some of the issues I have been having over the past few months, he hit me with a tough dose of truth, which he is known for doing.  MY EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS IS TOO HIGH.  Wow.  Boom.  Slapped with the truth backhand!  I know that he is right.  1000%.  But how can I change my level of expectation with other people?  His words were that the lower our expectations of others can be, the happier we can be.  How true is this? How easily I can embrace those words with open arms!  My mind can do that... sadly, my heart and emotions cannot.  The bottom line I guess is that we can try as hard as we want to "fix" situations or help others, but if they don't view what they are doing as a problem, they will never see it...and I CANNOT MAKE THEM SEE IT.  There are so many sayings and quotes about this stuff... Here are a few of my favorites...

So... One can know and understand that expecting too much of other people around you is an immediate sentence to chronic disappointment.  My question is... How do we STOP having expectations?  How can we respect others who just aren't wired like we are?  How can we stop being irritated by the fact that no matter how many times you give a person a chance, they still take the road underneath you with no remorse?  It's a constant struggle for me.  I am by no means a perfect person. I've never made a claim to that!  However, I WANT to live up to people's positive expectations.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I WANT to be a person people can depend on.  I WANT people to feel peace and harmony.  Everyone deserves that... So my new mission in life is to STOP EXPECTING.  I will continue to have expectations of my immediate family, my husband, my children... but will try to have no more expectations of people in my life who honestly in the grand scheme of things probably just don't matter that much.  I have to remember that just because my heart looks for ways to do things peacefully and with little conflict, some people thrive on the opposite. That is their issue, not mine.  Just because I try to look for fairness for all, some people will never think that others deserve fairness.  I try to treat the janitor like the CEO... some people will not.  So friends, my hope is that I can overcome this crime of expectation.  It won't be an easy road, but hopefully will bring me more happiness on a daily basis.  I have an amazing family and so much to be thankful for. I must learn to never set myself up for disappointment in putting my hope in other people in any way.  If anyone has tips to share on how to conquer this, I would LOVE to hear them! 

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week!